A woman has received support online after revealing in a now viral post that she ‘ruined’ her husband’s birthday dinner.
Posting to Reddit’s “Am I the asshole” (AITA) forum under the username u/throwrabdayso, the woman asked, “AITA for going out in the middle of my husband’s birthday dinner?” The post garnered over 10,000 upvotes and thousands of comments while highlighting a fairly common relationship problem.
‘Am I the a**hole?’
“My husband and I have been together for three years and married for five months. Our relationship was smooth sailing until the week before our wedding,” the woman’s post began.
The problem, she said, revolved around her husband’s longtime friend, Ava.
“I never had a problem with Ava, I thought it was very obvious that her and my husband were just friends, I mean she had a longtime boyfriend and everything. So I don’t “I felt no jealousy or anything. In fact, I got along with Ava pretty well. We were all dating regularly,” she explained.
A week before their wedding, however, Ava admitted to having feelings for the woman’s husband and begged him not to marry.
“My husband and I have both agreed to cut him off,” the woman wrote. “We didn’t invite her to our wedding and neither of us have been in contact with her since.”
Until Wednesday, that is.
“It was my husband’s 30th birthday yesterday. [and] he just wanted to have dinner with his family and friends…so, we’re all in a restaurant eating when suddenly Ava walks in,” she recalled.
Ava walked over to their table and wished the woman’s husband a happy birthday. Unfortunately, the interaction didn’t stop there.
“I expect her to leave, but then my husband asks her if she wants to join us. I look at my husband like, ‘what the hell are you doing.’ “I’m visibly uncomfortable and irritated. I get up and tell Ava she can have my spot, then I go out and take an Uber home because I absolutely want nothing to do with her,” she said.
Later that night, the woman’s husband said she acted “immature” and “ruined” her birthday.
Jealousy in relationships
According Vice“the most persistent fights in relationships revolve around people,” or “jealousy.”
“It’s human nature to survive, to protect ourselves and to protect our families. We tend to think that someone could endanger our relationship and that creates a certain anxiety, a certain fear of losing that person” , said therapist Rachel Sussman. VICE. “We describe this feeling as ‘jealousy’, but it’s actually a fear that something could happen to your relationship and you’ll lose the person you love.”
When talking to a partner about feelings of jealousy, insecurity, or anxiety, psychologist QuaVaundra Perry reminds couples to not only bring specific incidents in which they feel boundaries have been crossed, but also to be “non-adversarial”.
In the event that a person’s partner is having a “bad reaction” to the conversation, i.e. resorting to name-calling, accusations, etc., Sussman recommends the conversation starter to ” walk away” and re-evaluate the relationship.
Commenters agreed that u/throwrabdayso had every right to react the way she did and slammed her husband for not respecting her boundaries regarding Ava.
“NTA [not the a**hole]. Just five months ago, this woman tried to rob your partner and ruin your marriage. She obviously has no guilt about it, and she just took those five months to develop her next plan, not forget about it. You haven’t even been married for six months and your husband is already going back on the deals you made and overstepping your bounds,” u/ggolden2 wrote.
“Whether or not Ava was there by coincidence…your husband complied with the ‘no contact’ agreement quite quickly. All he had to do was say ‘thank you’ and go ahead”, u/PetuniaGoBlue. “What exactly does your husband think of the boundaries for ‘no contact’? Because I would have immediately said that dinner, unexpected or not, clearly falls under the category of ‘contact’.”
u/ConfusedGamerKitty added, “NTA. You had every right to walk out of dinner, I would have done the same.”
Newsweek contacted u/throwrabdayso for comment.
Other AITA posts that have gone viral in recent weeks include a woman who searched her boyfriend’s cousin after being called a ‘gold digger’, a man who ‘ruined’ the family of her brother telling her niece a family secret, and a mother who reported a hospital worker for touching her baby without permission.