The internet wonders which half of a couple is right about a man who delayed his wedding so his son could get months of medical treatment, without telling his fiancée.
The man’s fiancée, u/throwaway13367115, shared her side of the story on the popular Reddit forum r/AmITheA**hole. She got over 4,100 upvotes and 1,500 comments for her post.”[Am I The A**hole] for freaking out when I found out my fiancé had changed our wedding date?”
She says that she and “Caleb” are getting married soon. However, Caleb’s 13-year-old daughter was recently diagnosed with an illness which she says will “require months of treatment”, starting next month. Although they had already chosen a date – a date that the original poster (OP) says is important to her – she found out from one of Caleb’s friends that he had decided to change it.
Caleb confirmed his intentions, saying he wanted to focus on his son’s recovery and wanted him to be “healthy and happy” at the wedding. Additionally, he feared exposing his son to a large crowd during his recovery lest he contract a disease while his immune system was compromised.
“I felt upset and couldn’t help but start arguing with him and objecting to this decision. He argued that I was selfish and short-sighted and clearly didn’t care. of his son as I say. I told him he was being unfair and treated me as if I was happy with these unfortunate circumstances even though my family and I were more than supportive. He told me that if what i say is true i should be sure [board] with this decision,” u/throwaway13367115 wrote.
She pointed out that planning a wedding is a lot of work and that she will have to look for a new venue and change her arrangements. He replied that marriage was “more important to me than the health of my son-in-law”. She maintained that her son could still go while he was receiving treatment, but Caleb said no.
“His family thinks he’s reasonable and there’s no need to rush but I feel like my opinions and thoughts have been trampled on and ignored because he knows I have a date. specify in mind who is special to me and if I agree to reschedule then I have won. I will not have the same date unless I wait another year,” she wrote.
Although postponing a wedding can be a daunting undertaking, it can be done. Brides magazine is one of many outlets that offers a step-by-step guide. The first step, according to the magazine, is to check with the wedding insurer. Wedding insurance is useful to cover any incident or problem during a wedding, and Brides says it’s a must. It is also important to review contracts to see what the cancellation or rescheduling policy is for different providers.
Brides adds that it’s important not just to educate customers, of course, but to work with suppliers to make the change as painless as possible, even if that doesn’t necessarily mean it will be painless. It’s also important to pay it forward – be sure to recommend any vendors who have been particularly accommodating and leave them positive reviews on review sites like Yelp.
The internet was split over the story, with many deeming the OP unreasonable, but others pointed out that Caleb shouldn’t have made the decision unilaterally, leaving it up to his friends to tell his future wife.
“[Everyone Sucks Here] Her child is seriously ill and should be a priority. But just changing the date, telling people and even not telling you is also a bad move,” u/CakeEatingRabbit wrote in the top rated comment with 17,500 upvotes. “But op – you are [definitely] very bad”.
“That’s what bothers me the most. He changed the date without even discussing it with the bride. Of course he’s worried and stressed, but I see it [as a] huge red flag that he did this behind his back,” u/me0mio added. “OP. You should use this extra time to really think about your relationship and tell him that the real problem is that he changed the date without telling you or asking your opinion. Wanting to change the date was not unreasonable in this situation but doing so without your knowledge was unacceptable.”
“The OP comments are all in the future tense. She says he wants to change the date, not that he has. [You’re the A**hole]. You reinvented the term bridezilla OP,” u/emmanuelmtz04 wrote.
“Exactly. OP is clearly [the a**hole] for prioritizing his marriage over his sick child. The only thing he did wrong was not to tell her directly and immediately, but that’s enough to [Everyone Sucks Here]“, wrote u/AdHistorical7082.
“So…it happened in my family. Shortly after my mom and stepdad got engaged, my brother was diagnosed with something extremely serious. My mom’s first reaction was to call off the wedding, but my stepdad insisted on the date they had set, citing the cost and complications of moving the date,” u/kcunning shared.
“My brother died shortly after the wedding. Their marriage was miserable, as she resented him for insisting that she share his attention during what ended up being her son’s last months on earth,” they continued. “Yes, he should have told you about the date first. There is a certain madness in a parent when their child is sick and there is any percentage of it is not going well. I imagine he honestly thinks of nothing but bettering his child.
“In a way, though, it gives you a chance to have some grace. Say you were surprised by the change and how you learned about it. Cancel all reservations. Postpone the wedding until May her son get better. If there’s a reason you need to get legally married sooner, do it in private. Don’t let your marriage (which is most important) start out poisoned,” they concluded. .
Newsweek contacted u/throwaway13367115 for comment.