Adult siblings not wanting a widowed father

Internet denounces adult children “having the right” not to want their widowed father to remarry

The internet is raging over four “entitled” adult children who complain about their widowed father’s remarriage because they could receive less of an inheritance.

In a post on the Mumsnet’s Talk forum on Monday, June 20, user orangeyorkie explained that her mother died of cancer five years ago, leaving behind her husband of 45 years and five children.

“Dad was grieving and pretty focused on us for the first two years after mom died and never came out as far as we know,” she wrote.

In 2020, the poster suggested her father start dating again. That summer, he met a woman while walking his dog.

“They kept bumping into each other and talking. At first Dad thought she was way too young for him, but when he found out she was 42 (he was 48 at the time), he asked her out and they’ve been together ever since. She’s a widow herself and she’s a really lovely person.”

Although the poster is happy for his father, his siblings are unhappy with their father’s new relationship.

“There were issues with some of my siblings, she looks very young for her age,” the poster continued.

“I thought she was around my age (28) when I first met her and the one thing we all asked dad to do was not chase after someone our age, which he didn’t, but the perception is the same and sometimes for some of my siblings it’s uncomfortable.

“There’s also the issue that Dad is really, really happy and loved with her. Now I know they’re still in the new phase of the relationship, but I think on some fundamental level they’re better off. adapted than he and my mum were and it hurts to see sometimes.”

His father plans to ask his girlfriend to marry him soon, which has caused further conflict with his children, especially over their inheritance.

Adult siblings not wanting a widowed father
Mumsnet users told a woman who posted that her adult siblings were upset that their widowed father was remarrying, that her father was “allowed” to be happy. A photo of a silver-haired middle-aged groom carrying a middle-aged brunette bride on their wedding day.
Paul Bradbury/OJO Images

“There’s also the issue of daddy’s money when they get married,” the poster explained. “He is worth a lot and some siblings have complained that if they marry she might inherit the lot as he is older than her.

‘Dad’s girlfriend suggested that Dad consult a lawyer to determine how his children will inherit before they get married to dispel any fears that she is trying to grab his money,’ she said . “I personally don’t think that’s the case, I think my dad will probably still keep her to some extent, especially since he’s now semi-retired and wants someone to spend time with him. and travel with him.”

According to AARP, more than 900,000 American adults lose their spouse each year, more than 75% of whom are over the age of 75. In heterosexual marriages, husbands are more likely to die earlier than their wives. In the United States, men die five years earlier than women, due to factors such as more dangerous jobs, a willingness to take greater risks and a lower likelihood of going to the doctor for health problems. .

Some users described the woman’s siblings as “grabby”, suggesting they were more concerned with money than their father’s happiness.

“It’s up to your father how he spends his money and who inherits,” Playplayaway said. “Fully right for your siblings to think and focus on their own careers, incomes and pensions.”

GreenCard agreed, writing, “She seems like the best thing for your dad and your siblings seem eye-catching. He owes you nothing. Tell them this. Let them get married and be happy and have their own way in life. life.”

However, orangeyorkie believes the inheritance issue is actually a cover for her siblings’ grief.

In the comments, she added: “I think the real reason for the intermittent animosity towards her from some of my siblings is more that they are still struggling with losing mum and it feels like this woman tries to take his place, and in some respects, surpassing his place in the affections of daddies.

“At the end of the day, I want dad to be happy. He’s only 50 and could have decades of life I hope, so why wouldn’t he have someone?”

Others said the father in the poster deserved to enjoy life and were disappointed with how the adult children behaved, despite their pain.

“Tough situation, but I think your dad definitely deserves his second chance,” darlingdodo said.

“Looks like he honored your mother’s memory, did his best to help your younger siblings cope with her death, didn’t go straight to a romantic relationship as soon as your mother died like the some men do.

“He is ‘allowed’ to be happy.”

Cooldarkroom commented, “Damn, he’s 50, not 80. He could go through the same thing again.

“The siblings should be happy that he found someone nice, who loves him, who doesn’t bring any other kids into the mix.

“They have their love and their memories of your mother, this woman doesn’t take away from that.”

Other users who recently shared their woes with Mumsnet include a woman worried that her husband was having an affair with his secretary, a mother who was shamed by a cashier at her local supermarket, and a woman who says her beard husband puts a brake on their sex life.

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